The smell of rose wood fills the air, comforting me in a way, teasing me in another. How I wished you were in front of me, Beloved, flowing in unison, teaching me by heart, tuning me to the work and the cause we’ve set ourselves up to.. Beyond our undeniable attraction unfolds a universe in itself, strangely familiar, yet inextricably connected to our present lives. Never before I realised how much I am in need of Your guidance as I do now, since our blessed encounter turned my whole life upside down and awakened dreams and desires I long deemed dormant. Old forsaken patterns suddenly come up, desperately crying, clinging to my mind as a child denied attention. They know things have changed; my old self is gone. Am I strong enough already, to make the leap of faith required of me now?
I wrap myself in wool, as the chill of night cools me down. I feel weary but refuse to sleep, struggling with the rubbing that’s going on inside of me. I sense sadness, paired with a vague sense of fear. There is self-doubt, too; and arrogance, false pride, masking a lack of trust. Everything has changed -yet so much seems the same around me! But hey, I am not this set of behavioural patterns, and I am not the tired sensation of this magnificent body -dear as it has become to me, in time. It serves me so well..
What makes me so afraid to let go, to open up fully to this miraculous mystery Life is? The answer is there the moment I ask myself the question; years and years of social conditioning. Conditioning in what to expect and what to deny; what to conform to, what not. This small country I come from was once renowned for its daring trade, for the so-called greatness of some minds, envisioning a stronghold of economic power through the suffering of other people -now, what’s new? Anyone who succeeds in the pursuit of his dreams is looked upon with either cautiousness or disdain by the ones exerting manipulative control and those unable to rise beyond the fringes of their narrow thinking. Somehow it seems that the moment we spread our wings, the weight of the world around us pulls us down and forbids us to rise, as if we’re chained to the mediocrity of the masses who gave up their dreams to those selfishly ruling society. Never mind the few who stood up for what they believed to be true to their hearts and souls, who were not abashed by the weaknesses of others. They served their world, their societies, by rising above themselves, thus creating their own legends.
Now, may your every breath be blessed. May you and I and all around us stay true to the blueprints we’ve been graced and endowed with, to fight the good fight, to follow our own quests. May we be brave enough to face ourselves and our loved ones in trying times, to remain strong and certain in whatever it is that moves us forward, closer to the purpose of our very existence. May we be loving and caring, always, in whatsoever circumstance we find ourselves, acknowledging the need of others around us, and allowing true sentiments to shield, guard, and protect what is dear and meaningful to us. May we be guided by the truth of ages, the light within, the love at heart. May we be witnesses of each other’s growth and fulfilment. May we live to die a thousand times to ourselves, waking up to our birth in Infinity.